work!

uh huh?

oooo yeah! 15 Disember 2016. wokeh, for the first time in my life, first work!! uh huh? okay since aku dah habis spm, and while waiting for a result, it's time for me to find my own money. dah tak sekolah kowt, mana nak cekau duit lagi? kerija lew. huhu. as a WAITER. the only WAITRESS dalam cafe tu. lol. my first day, was sooooo funny and fun! yeap! fun! all the brothers is very kind and helpful. yeap, cheerful. very cheer. how i wish, sepanjang aku kerja kat sini, everything is gonna be alright. aamiin. may Allah ease me for everything. 

-

" awak jangan ingat kalau awak dapat keputusan cemerlang,

10A ke, 15A ke, berapa banyak A sekali pun abah akan bangga dengan awak"

.

" result awak tu elok koyak, buang ke sungai je dengan perangai 

awak yang macamtu"

.

" abah takkan hargai pun walau apa pun keputusan yang awak

akan dapat nanti"

.

" jangan ingat kejayaan awak tu sepenuhnya datang 

daripada kepala otak awak je"

...

sorry

lately, i'm always get a dream of him. i dont know what is the sign ia that. people said when we dream of somebody, thats mean they miss me. but couldnt trust it since aku pernah mimpi dia jugak and i tell him and he deny bout it. lol. what a shame. i dont know why, but when i get the dreams, woke up from the sleep, i felt like i miss him so much although i know i would not even remember me. seriously i feel bad bout this cause i feel like i'm cheated with my sweetheart. sorry baby but i'm a human and a girl with such a soft feelings. ya, truth tell, i miss him. the one that come into my dream.

the sign finally being showed.... today i got a school programme in other school with 15 others. we came into the hall and i took my seat really near the boys placed cause that is the only place left. i feel like there are a bunch of boys is looking at us since we are the rpsians. okay then i seat without even toleh belah kanan sebab lelaki duduk sebelah kanan. the programme isnt start yet. so i took my agama's homework in my bag and start doing it. after about 5 minutes i've been doing it, i turn my head to the right. saja nak cuci mata. nak jugak tengok kowt ada sesiapa yang kenal datang en hihi. guess what guys?!!!! god what is the sign is thisssssss? i saw himmmm! i saw the guy in my dream. god my heart beat as fast as it could. i dont know why my heart still beating for him. i feel so damn nervous and uneasy. then i turn my head back quickly and look at my next friend. she saw him tooo. and she ask me, is it him? and i nodded my head while i grab her hand. haih. i dont know what kind of feeling is this. but honestly. i'm already trying to move on from crushing on him. guess what? after a few minutes, i saw him stand up. maybe he want to go to toilet. he walk beside my desk and said "hai ilya" while waving his hand to me. and i was speechles as fuck!!! demit. i'm just smiling to him, only god know how many flowers had grown in my heart after seeing him. hahahaha. jk. until now, i'm still thinking bout him... sorry my dear bf, i had to say this... i really really miss him...

i feel so bad today. but i'm success today cause i'm ignoring all of those mckk's boys that know me. yes, all i do is because of you my dear bf. wherever i go, i will always remember ur pesanan. iloveyou sweetheart.

getback

olla. sory guys. lama tak update. just wanted to share to you guys that.....

I ALREADY GET BACK 

WITH HIM!!!

heee yeay. well actually i already getback with him three days before his birthday. well, his birthday is on 3 June ago. do we date? of course we are!!! awhhhhhh, i fall in love with him again for a thousand times. yayerz. heee. i am deeply in love with him. haihhhh. you dont know how much i suffer of losing him in my life... 

well thats it! haha. so the school holiday will come to the end in a few more days. aiyooooo. so malas ah weh. and today is 4 Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah i'm still full fasting. lol. holiday homework is sooo bapak banyak i didnt finished yet. huh. ciao

i miss you

he left me. he ask for a break. he leave me.

but he said he still love me

he go not because he has another girl

but he said because he wanted to be more matured

he dont want to blocked my life from being with other guys

he is too jealous

he cant get over with his jealous

hmmmm....

baby, sayang really missyousomuch.
i cant accept this yet. i still need you.
😔😔😔

nak jugak

ssup guys. its already 12.30 am right now and i am studying Physics cause tomorrow got exam. ya, the examination still not done yet. haihhh tired af. everynight i burn the midnight oil kawkaw punya for a tough paper. may all my usaha dapat capai kejayaan. i am really realy hopping and targetting for  this mid-year exam for increasing of my result compare to before this. may Allah bless and help me. guys, pray for me. thanks.

well actually, i want to story bout this.

today, the upu result has been keluar for the last year form five student. the 98 batch. and my sister was one of them. guess what? my sister got UIAM guyssssssss!!!! omg how clever she is. god, seriously i am so jealous with it. no that bad jealous, but i am jealousing  of her successfull. i too want to be like her. for the sake of my life, her successful really burn my spirit af. i want to be like her! i want to be more successful than her. i want to show to my parents that i too can be success like her. i will push my effort as much as i can for my trial. i promise. i'll do my very best for SPM.

pray for me guys for Physics paper tomorrow 🙂

otak

manusia hidup, ada otak. otak fungsinya untuk berfikir. kau duduk lah kelas mana pun, aliran apa pun, kalau kau rajin, kau guna otak kau ke arah yang sebenar benarnya patut digunakan, then kau memang layak digelar pandai. kelas mana pun, tak ada bezanya guys. yang beza, rajin atau malas je. kalau malas, kau duduklah kat tempat corot tu selama lamanya. kalau rajin dan pandai, insyaAllah setiap kali exam, markah kau akan meningkat. takde siapa nak ambil kisah pasal kau kalau kau nak malas ke nak rajin, except ur parents. and its depends lah orang tu ada parents macammana. macam aku, parents aku tak tekan aku. but i know deep inside their heart, they want me to be successful like my other siblings. so kesimpulan dia, jangan judge orang berdasarkan kedudukan dia dalam kelas apa kat sekolah. jadi diri sendiri. rajin. 

esok paper sejarah 1 dan 2. pray for me guys. 

moga Allah permudahkan segalanya untukku

no, i wont

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, I'm still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

imissyou amx

ppt

ppt or peperiksaan pertengahan tahun or mid-year examination. okay guys. so FUHHHHH! exam dah start dari hari khamis semalam (5/05) and gonna be end on thursday also on 19 May. FUHHHH! alhamdulillah boleh jawab for paper bm on thursday and agama for today, friday. 

okay so cerita dia macamni, tadi lepas rehat paper agama 2. masa diberi 1 jam setengah. dari pukul 11 something until 12.37pm. aku pun buat lah. buat punya buat. pup dah siap. time tu masa cam dah pukul 12.15pm camtu. aku tengok lah sekeliling, orang lain cam still tekun jawab paper. aku cam hairan gak ah. asal diorang cam banyak lagi tak siap. kawan depan aku siap mintak testpad lagi dua. sedangkan mula mula cikgu dah bagi sorang 4 helai dah. aku siap, dan aku cuma menggunakan 3 helai paper je. cam cool je lah. pastu aku dengan confidentnya, staple paper pastu ikat kemas kemas. pastu cam check semua jawapan tanpa tengok kertas soalan. nak tengok jawapan dalam testpad ada tak yang tertinggal tinggal. okay takde. alhamdulillah dah siap. tiba-tiba terdetik kat hati, nak bukak balik kertas soalan, nak check kowt ada soalan tinggal ke. YATOHANNNNNN! memang adaaaaaa! dalam satu page tu aku tak selak. aku skip. ya Allah dengan kelam kabutnya. nasib baik ada testpad lagi satu. ibu jari macam dah sakit gila sebab banyak tulis. by hook or by crook, aku cam nak menggigil jawab soalan soalan tu. soalan KBAT pun macam hentamm sajaaaa. haha alhamdulillah sempat siap. bismillahitawakkaltualallah. tawakal je dengan semua jawapan tu. 

haha okay. next week banyak killer paper. ya Allah takutnya. sejarah, bio, chemist, bi. pray for me guys. wish me luck. 

Moga Allah permudahkan segala urusanku. 

katering

weeeee hello guyssss. today i felt so happy plus tired af huaa. okay so harini aku pergi kerja katering with my bf's father. so thats mean i am working with my boyfriend also! i dont know how to story bout today. but i have so much fun with him today. with all of his sporting aunt and cousin and friend.   yeah. kerja aku harini just basuh pinggan kat belakang cause i am so done with all the work dekat depan. sebab kena marah dengan cikyan sebab letak nasi sikit sangat. then aku cam nah lah buat lah sendiri. lalu berlalu pergi kepada bf ku yang tercinta yang sedang mencuci pinggan. pastu aku cam tarik bata, duduk sebelah dia and tolong bilas kan pinggan. yey. with him! i spend almost of the day with him. i look at everything he do. he is so daymn cute af. no, actually he is handsome. but to me. since he is my baby, then he is cute. yeyyy heeeee. and ya, today is quite tired. lepas balik je dari katering tadi, terus mandi, solat asar dan bummmmm terus tidur. pastu azan maghrib, bangun, solat dan terus bummmmm tidur sampai lah pukul 10 tadi baru bangun. haha. my bf pergi tengok bola kat stadium. he's out and not home yet. awh imiss him so much right now. cant wait to wait him home. i want to otp with him. want to be clingy clingy with him heeeee yey. baby love me ❤️

okay i felt hungry suddenly. need to fill my stomach. okbyeeee 🙈💕

idk

last night, i went to STAR for a school programme. ada pameran experiment fizik. all those experiment presentation by the 16 school under g16 was dayum very good. but aku tak sempat tengok semua experiment. and i feel very very menyesal. the time given for us was really really short you know? starting 8 pm until 10pm. no way! too short! only two hours for 16x2 booth we should watch. haih. menyesal.

okay lets start the real story. hmmmm
guys, last night also, i almost break up with my bf. semuanya berpunca daripada aku yang tak reti nak sedar diri akan kesilapan lalu. a few days before i went to STAR, i ask a permission from him, to take a photo with my buddyz (guy) there. at the time i ask, he gave me. dan tiba tiba bila aku balik semalam dari STAR, he's changed. everything! semua berubah. dia perli perli aku. cakap pasal lelaki mana entah aku jumpa kat sana. padahal tak pun! ughhh menyampah gila. buruk sangka. overthinking. susah do cani. haih, and you know what? suddenly, tengah gaduh gaduh kat ws, tibatiba keluar lah ayat ni dari dia...

"saya ingat nak mintak break lah dengan awak"

and i was like WHATTTTTTTTT! speechless sangat sangat. weh like seriously? lepastu dia terus call aku, cari pasal. pastu dah puas dia cari pasal, he said he want to leave me. dia nak lepaskan aku. holy shit. my tears shed heavily. i dont know why i am crying. tbh, i also want to breakup with him, but when he said it to me first, aku rasa macam tak sanggup. no aku taknak. aku taknak hilang dia. i cant lose him. i dont even want to lose him. yes, i can find another guy that is much better than him, but i dont know why my heart dont want to let him go. noooooooooooooooooooooooo. i'm crying harder and harder, and he doesnt even care and bothered about me anymore. he dont even pujuk me. he stick with his cold heart. he's really really mad at me. he cant accept me anymore. and i kept begging and begging to him to not let me go. i feel so useless. aku rasa macam sangat sangat terhegeh hegehkan dia. entahlah taktahu nak cakap macammana pasal perasaan ni. truth is, my heart cant accept the lose of him in my life. 

alhamdulillah, this morning, kami berbaik semula. and this is the last chance for me to prove that i am loyal with him. to prove that i love him. tapi, aku kena stop contact with any guys i know. focus on my study and him only. i'll try my best okay baby? sorry for everything.

stupid

sumpah doh perangai kau cam gampang gilaaaa. baguslah ambil gambar dengan perempuan? sengaja nak buat aku jeles? sengaja? puas hati kau dapat sakitkan hati aku? lepasth layan aku macam gampang. aku jujur salah tak jujur pun salah. pergi mampos lah setan

his sight

okay macamni, tadi pergi taayah. ada program teknik menjawab chemistry. dari pukul 8am sampai 5pm kat sana. ada 3 slot. and kat sana ada sekolah lain sekali, program ni under g16 perak. so ada wakil dari 16 buah sekolah.

so cerita dia macamni, time slot last, slot 3, kitorang baru habis lunch, rehat etc. then cikgu dah ada kat depan, semua duduk tempat masing masing. guys, guess what, sudenly i saw someone yang yatohan handsome nyaaaa huwaaaa. i kennod. dari pagi duduk situ, langsung tak perasan guy tu. dah nak balik, last slot baru nampak dia. straight to the point from my place aku boleh nampak dia. haih, serious cam woahhhh. aku pun apalagi, usha lah mamat tu. tengah usha usha, pup dia pandang. Allahhhh kantoi lah usha diaaa huwaaa malu. pastu aku buat donno la. tak lama lepastu, aku tengok dia lagi, awh handsomenya. suddenly dia pandang aku jugak, aku cam terpaku kat mata dia. aaaa his sight. cam kenod stop looking at his eyes. kami berpandangan lama. pastu aku pandang tempat lain. gila mamat ni. berani gila tenung orang. uish. pastu aku cam main mata ngan dia hahaha. serious cam takleh serious nak tengok dia, tengok lama sikit, aku tergelak. tapi yang bengangnya, muka dia serious gila. aiyo cam nak tumbuk. aku syok sendiri ke aiyo. pastu tak lama lepastu, aku tengok dia lagi, and suddenly he smile. OMG aku macammmmmm emmmm kau senyum kat siapa weyyyyy tadi kemain muka serious cam nak makan orang, tetiba senyum pulak. pastu aku cam blur. sebab aku ingat dia senyum kat orang lain, so aku cam tengok tengok lah kiri kanan depan belakang aku, seban ingat dia senyum kat orang lain. huish kang aku senyum balik, dapat malu je. sebab dia pakai spek, so mata dia cam pandang tempat lain, padahal pandang aku... hihi. pastu cam lama ked, aku tengok dia balik, and aku senyum. andddd guess whattttt! he smile at me back guyssssss! awhhhh handsomenya. dupdapdupdap semnye. aiyo. lepastu main mata lagi ngan dia, pastu senyum senyum awhhhh. comelnya mamat ni. 

tapi sedih.... aku tak tahu nama dia. ig dia. twitter dia ke or anything hm.... ralat sangat. aku sempat tanya dia sekolah mana je hm. sedihnyaaaaaaa. and aku cam psiko gila angau kan dia right now. struggle af nak cari ig dia hmm. 

i think i've fall in love with his sight 😍😍

baik?

wait aku sumpah doh tak faham perangai kau ni. serious serious. semalam and kelmarin kemain kau baik gila ngan aku, tetiba harini camgampang doh perangai. sumpah fak orang perangai camni. ey boleh tak jangan nak main main kan perasaan aku?! fak doh. tolong lah awak tolong lah. jangan pelik pelik. saya penat nak kawal perasaan sakit hati ni haih.

dah lah kowt

i think i should stop the Day diary for you. nothing is sweet anymore between us.

yesterday, actually we are almost breakup! because of my own stupidness. such a useless do. and he's change suddenly in a few sec into a tiger. because he said i challenge his kesabaran. i am stupid enough. definitely. i dont know how to lie you. i cant lie you. i am scared of you. yesterday awak berubah 100 percent. bodoh bangang buto semua keluar. semua tuju kat saya. haih. saya pun taktahu kenapa saya masih mahukan awak. sedangkan macam macam awak caritkan saya. awak tak kesian langsung dekat saya. awak baran sangat sangat semalam. sampai awak tak sedar segala perkataan kotor yang awak carutkan pada saya. walaupun macam macam yang keluar dari mulut awak, saya still nangis dan merayu pada awak agar awak tak lepaskan saya hm. saya taktahu lah kenapa saya tak biarkan awak lepaskan saya. maybe because, you are the only person yang selalu bagi perhatian pada saya, all of those stuff. haih. i dont know what to say else. i am just... love you 😔

Day 4: hands on challenge

so today, me and my 4 others friend were presented our hands on challenge building model to the judges. well actually, we are participating the hands on challenge competition in our school for the science and mathematics carnival. and actually, we all should present our model yesterday since yesterday is the competition day. but, since i and 2 others need to go to mckk so we ask a permission from the teachers to skip the day and do it by today. so today is the day. butttt one of our group member is absent today. i was like a bit feel sakit hati gak ah. but what can we do? let bygone be bygone, we take an initiative to take one of our classmate to join us and replace our absent group member. this is the brilliant idea ever because she is brilliant. lol.

about 4:15 pm, after the solar competition done. its our turn to present our model. the presentation had going well. everything is fine with us. but.................................. DAMN IT! our problem statement of why we build the model was inaccurate! the situation given in our question paper is actually about how to build a stable building. but we build an eco friendly building! aiyooo for sure lah our building takde kena mengena langsung. ya Allah ya tuhanku. haih. tahlahnak. so the judges said, "tengok lah dulu cemana nanti saya bincang dengan cikgu lain" hmmmmmmmmmmmm k. kami hanya mampu berdoa. may we win. sebab we all want to go to GGSC!

amx xoxo

14 April 2016

Day 3: mckk

so, harini pergi mckk. ada bengkel menjawab bi. yatohan bosan nakmampos. tapi, i met somebody. my buddyz. hee. sombong gila aiyo. and i met ed dekat perjalanan nak masuk dewan, dia tegur "hai___" lol okay. no heart feeling langsung kat dia. serious lah. tapi harini sangat membosankan. i sleep twice when Slot 3. start from pukul 2 lebih sampai 430pm. kau fikir? lama gilaaa. bontot cam kebas gila nakmampos. hahaha. okay bye. so conclusion dia, harini bosan. noob.

rasanya mesti banyak hw harini 😭😭

amx xoxo 💕

13  April  2016

Day 2: lambat pick up

harini, entahlah. rasa macam emmm lampi sangat sangat masa belajar. first first, pagi pagi tadi belajar fizik. hmmm tak faham sangat apa cikgu ajar. saya cam lambat gila nak pick up. pastu belajar bio hm lagilah. belajar pasal locomotion of bird. ada kawan saya tu, dia kena present pasal tajuk tu. dahlah dalam buku teks takde pasal tu. dalam buku teks bm je ada. pastu dia terang kat depan emmmm tak fahammmm! langsung! sebab cara dia terang tu emmmm 😭 belajar chemist pun hm padahal simple je. tapi saya macam susahhhh sangat nak fahammm ugh. entahlah awak saya pun taktahu kenapa saya teruk sangat sekarang. fokus entah kemana. hmmm.

awakkkkk! esok saya kena pergi mckk hehe. ada program bi. awak, saya dah janji dengan awak, saya taknak noty. saya baik. saya dah ada awak. saya kena jaga hati saya untuk awak sorang je. saya cuba taw awak? insyaAllah saya tak noty heee. 

awak, saya lapar. mama pergi kursus seminggu kat ipg ipoh. pagi tadi, abah dah bagi duit kat uda, suruh belikan lauk untuk makan tengahari... hm uda tak beli! awak, saya lapar lah 😖

amx xoxo 💕

12 April 2016

Day 1: mengantuk sangat sangat

awak, harini saya mengantuk sangat sangat. asyik nak tidur je dalam kelas. tersengguk sengguk. ni, dah balik rumah nak buat hw tadi pun saya asyik pejam mata je. emmm ngantukkkk.!! awak, tadi saya tertidur waktu kelas fz. saya tak tahan sangat. pastu terkantoi! cikgu fizik saya tegur "___ tidur ke?!" huwaaa maluuu saya terus duduk tegak sambil jari pusing pusingkan pen pastu acah acah tengah baca kertas. hahahahah. maluuuu. hmmm. awak, saya tidur awal taw harini. japlagi pukul 4 bangun lah kowt. insyaAllah. harap harap saya dapat bangun dan tak ngantuk dah hm. saya ingat nak tahajjud pagi nanti. insyaAllah. moga Allah permudahkan segalanya untuk kita 😊

11th April 2016

amx xoxo💕

start a new life

a few day before, masa kita dating, saya ada cakap nak hadkan kita punya contact start bulan lima ni, sebab ppt dah nak dekat. saya nak focus belajar. nak study. saya bukan cakap awak ganggu saya, tapi... saya takboleh nak focus bila ada awak. saya asyik fikir pasal awak dan akhirnya melalaikan saya. bukan saya tak sayang awak, saya sayang sangat sangat. tapi saya terpaksa, spm is also coming soon. i dont want to make my parents dissapointed of my result. i want to be success in my life. thats why i want to make myself not-so-closed with you. not because i hate you. of course iloveyousomuch dear 💏

malam tadi, 10th of April 2016, kita sama sama buat keputusan untuk mula jauhkan diri masing masing sbab bulan lima dah nak dekat. awak prihatin pasal saya. awak suruh kita stop contact for a weekdays. and i put a condition, eventhough kita tak contact, every sabtu malam, we must otp. i want to talk to you. and of course i miss you sweetheart. hm.

last night, you were crying out loud. i felt so guilty sweetheart. and i said if you cant accept what i am planning, just stop this plan. i can accept it as long as you dont cry. its okay for me. i dont want to see you sad. i dont want you to cry about this. we are not even break up! we were just make our relationship not-so-closed because i want to concentrate on my study. i wont ever leave you baby. i wouldnt leave you. please, dont make me feel guilty and sad too. if you are sad, i will feel the same too. we both need to be strong 💪🏻

so today, is the starting of my new life without you by my side like always. what i mean by always by my side is, we would not whatsapp to let each other know about what we've gone through for the whole day. i wouldnt get any goodnight wish again from you. i cant be clingy with you. i cant do anything with you anymore. hm.

i am started to miss you my baby 😔

amx xoxo 💕 

DAY I 🍂

sakit

makin lama dengan kau, aku rasa hari hari aku sakit hati. lama lama pendam, ya Allah tuhan je tahu rasa sakit nak maki orangnya. tapi sebab aku sayangkan hubungan kita. dan apa yang pernah kita lakukan bersama. aku diamkan aje dan biarkan kau menang. kau nampak kau je betul. kau cari balik salah aku. bila aku nak merajuk dengan kau, kau cari point salah aku balik dan kau takkan pujuk aku balik unless ada something yang aku buat untuk kau before that yang membuatkan kau sayang aku sangat. kau dah lain. kau dah tak sayang aku sepenuh hati aku. aku rindu kau yang dulu. ya Allah sesungguhnya aku taknak hubungan kita berakhir tak lama lagi. kalau asyik nak gaduh je, lama lama mesti akan end up dengan we broke up. hm. aku sayang kau. aku nak kau tahu, aku taknak hilang kau.

muhasabah

aku kena muhasabah diri. banyak benda aku dah tersasar jauh. tersimpang jauh sangat sangat. aku dah makin teruk. teruk sangat sangat. spm dah nak dekat. takkan aku nak jadi bodoh selamanya. kamon lahhh chiou